the reasons were enough to justify himself to like the girl sitting in front of her....for a moment he became totally insensitive to the surroundings...the waiter carrying the coffee...the menu kept in front of him...the fragrance of coffee all round him...infact he was not even able to concentrate on what she was saying...he was just dumbstruck looking at her face..at her moving lips..at movement of her eyebrows..her every expression seem to make a place in his memory...and bring her more close to him....he have met lot more pretty girls in his life..but she was different...it was just not about looks or beauty...it was something different that went through his heart...he felt pain...but it was pleasant....he had to carry on the conversation....he was falling short of topics...he knew that time was running away... at last after a minute of silence he said "we should leave now..its too late"
she was not expecting that....she met him today and liked his charm."..this evening has been full of surprises and it seems there are much more left...how come he is suddenly asking to leave.....it seems he was interested in me....he invited me to this place and i sort of like him too.. he is cute,handsome and quite caring too...then why a sudden change of gesture.." confused...she rose to leave...he paid for the coffee and headed towards the door....she also moved behind him..both were filled with emotions but none of them spoke a single word...he accompanied her to her scooty...he was not able to look into her eyes..a guilt feeling was there...with a casual look he said "bye".."i don't think we would ever be able to meet again"she replied.'at least ask for my number' she thought....."ya , anyways it was nice meeting you" and he moved towards his car....she was going away from him...and he was aware of the fact...but he knew that he was helpless...he picked up his mobile...still a guilt feeling...he dialled a number...."hey jaan howzz ur health"..."I..I..I was just hanging out wid some friends".." ya... have bought cerelac for aakash"
good one....the ending took me by surprise :)
ReplyDeletenice one...but wat a phattu of a guy ur protagonist is.... 2 have done all d right things nd falter at the last step....
ReplyDeletecerelac?
ReplyDeletewell quite well spun... if i had to put in in a certain genre of writings ..i wud probably pin it under "writings of nuances of life" :p
tho i wish i was in more cognizance of the guys age n situation.
bak to cerelac..
but den again its a figment of ur mind spunning that we see here..u dnt have to decode it all!!
a gud read neverthless!
keep em cuming!
Quite an interesting story. In my opinion, it's a little short and you can definitely flesh it out a little bit.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in my opinion, you need to improve very much on your formatting and presentation. You are using too many ellipses and your sentences seem to be disjointed. There are also some minor grammatical errors, such as writing "have" instead of "had" or "has".
All in all, I'd say that your story-telling ability is pretty good, but it is your writing ability that needs a little bit of improvement. :)